Gif Essay: The Truth About Clubbing
Maybe you’re a regular club goer, maybe you’re not. Or maybe you’re like me; someone who, regularly charmed by the prospect of a decent DJ and the persistent lies fed to us by music videos and vaguely inspirational song lyrics about being young and not-giving-a-something-or-other, frequently forgets just how completely catastrophically abysmal clubbing usually is. Let’s break it down step by step using the only language this increasingly inept internet generation understands, gifs. Hopefully we can save some dignity in the process.
THE DELUSION
It usually begins with some pre-drinking and the naive but steadfast belief that the night is about to be set on fire. The night will be fine. The fire is a lie.
THE PARTY DON’T START ‘TIL I WALK IN
You walk in like you didn’t just pay the cover charge (even though you most definitely did); this room is yours, this song is your jam and these people are your subordinates.
THE BENEVOLENT GOD
Because you’re not just going to buy yourself a drink are you? Of course not. Your friends deserve to have a good time too. Buy a round of shots. Maybe cocktails. Spare no expense. Money is ephemeral. Tonight is eternal. Drop that cash like it’s going out of fashion.
STEP 4: THE VOID
[scene missing]
THE DANCE (DELUSION)
THE DANCE (REALITY)
NAVIGATING THE REAL WORLD
At this stage, money and receipts are interchangeable in the supermassive black hole that is your pocket/handbag, public transport timetables might as well be Egyptian hieroglyphs and verbal language exists as a concept that has not yet been put correctly into practice by any living human. Except you. You’re fine. It’s the world that’s in chaos.
THE REALIZATION
Clubbing.
Just don’t.
