Home Buzz Dear Arcade… Loved And Lost… Again!
Dear Arcade… Loved And Lost… Again!

Dear Arcade… Loved And Lost… Again!


Letter #4 – Crazy And In Love

Dear Arcade,

My other half has up and left me! She thinks she’s better than me?! Me!!!! I’m the one who made her (literally!).

Now I’ve found out she’s shacked up with this psycho vegan hippie braud! I’m one pie to face away from going full schizo on this! How do I make her realise she’s better off with me? I’m a hoot! I’m a catch! I’m not even joking here!

Helplessly in love,



Dear Smiles,

Get over it! #byefelicia


Th Arcade


Letter #3 – Harry Potter And The Lack Of Action

Dear Arcade,

I find myself in somewhat of a sad place right now! You see, the woman I love has died and I know I’ll never love anyone like I did her. She was my everything even when she wasn’t mine. Now my problem stems from the fact that her son will now be attending my place of work and I can’t bare to face him. Even the idea of him attending has driven me to despair. 

How should I handle this? Do I tell the boy? Do I put in for a transfer even though this is the year I feel I’ll finally get that promotion?

Help me, please!


Expecto Heartbreakus


Dear Expecto Heartbreakus…

I know exactly what to do! Throw out every item of clothing you have that isn’t black and flowing! That’ll really capture the spirit of mourning. You need to keep this boy at a distance but you also have to follow school procedures in terms of discipline. So every chance you get, take your vengeance frustrations out on him. He talks out of turn? 10 points from Gryffindor! He turns in an assignment late? Double cross him! He seems to confident in himself? Kill his only ally and demean him in front of his peers! That’ll teach that bastard student to remind you of his mother on a near daily basis!

Whatever you do, don’t reveal anything to him until the last second! Let the wretch twist in the wind!

All the best,

The Arcade