Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’ve just got bad luck or maybe I’m just very particular about my experience at the cinema/movies/pictures but what on EARTH has gotten into purveyors of the big screen lately?!
It would seem that all sense of manners, etiquette and social interactions have gone completely out the window! I don’t pay over the top prices for the latest film just so I can watch people fumble with their phones fifteen minutes into the movie and I shouldn’t have to either! There are some common rules that a few people might need refreshed for them, so if there is someone in your life or local cinema that might need a crash course in movie manners then send em this way!
*Crank alert!*
Maybe it’s because I thought it was Friday but this piece is a little crankier than I’d originally planned!
Seating
How do I put this politely… if you haven’t paid to sit in the seat that currently cradles your posterior and I have then I’d ask that you politely remove said buttocks from them! Generally most cinemas have an open seating plan, you can’t call dibs on any particular row or number (no matter how much you want to sit near the back but not the very back and only partially centre to the screen). However in some cases and when I’m flush with cash, I like to enhance my cinematic experience by purchasing premium seats, those extra comfortable, extra worth it seats and even though they are a little out of my ideal seating arrangements if I paid for them then I’d rather not find someone stretched across them with an arsenal of goodies piled around them.
On that same note if seating is arranged by ticket numbers then the cinema needs to enforce it – I’d rather not have to confront (yeah I’ve done it) someone sitting in my seat right before the film starts.
Noise
This is a delicate issue because some folk are loud chewers, some cinema chairs squeak and some people wear heavy shoes – these are all fairly normal noises you can expect to hear in the cinema. What you shouldn’t have to expect is the following noises:
Pop Rock Candy – as much fun as it is especially with a mouth full of fizzy drink, it’s distracting!
Crying Baby – a cinema screen is not the best place to bring a baby for him/her, you or me!
Blowing up bags – hilarious, you can fill a bag with air and pop it!
Rule of thumb, if it would annoy you at home it’s going to annoy you even more at the cinema!
Narrate
I love to talk about movies, I love to harp on about actors, special-fx and the plot, hell I write about it on a fairly regular basis or rant about it in a podcast! I don’t like to do it during the film! I’m not on about folks who ask a question, ‘Who is that guy?’ or ‘Why are they in Paris?’, we can all get lost during a movie but getting lost and dictating your entire experience at the movie are two very different things.
I don’t care if you thought the original was better! I don’t care if you’d have cast Adam Sandler to play Tony Stark! I am here to enjoy myself as are the other fine movie-goers and it’s not so much your opinions that bother me, it’s the fact you need to share them loudly with the rest of us!
For one reason or another you might have to speak during a movie, there is no reason in the world you’d need to debate during the movie!
Food
There’s a reason they only sell overpriced (but delicious) popcorn, bland nachos and junk food (also delicious) because these products DON’T have a very strong smell. The reason they don’t sell cold cuts, pesto and blue cheese is because these items DO have a strong smell!
Now if I wasn’t a vegetarian I’m sure I’d appreciate the smell of wafting pepperoni more but regardless of my dietary choices I don’t want to have to smell it during the latest Marvel movie!
Phones
Thankfully most people turn their phone off but even in 2014 you still have people who like to use their phone during the movie.
No ringtones, no button tones, okay they might go off accidentally, if you forgot to switch it off or flip on silent, that can be forgiven.
Your phone is on silent? Great!
It’s the people who like to use their phone as a glowstick as if they were high on MDMA during a 90s rave in an abandoned warehouse in Berlin that I have a problem with.
The problem now lies with the fact we’re in a dark room and your mini screen is the brightest thing ever created/illuminated in the history of bright things, it is the flame and my eyes are moths!
Switch it off or for the love of God leave the stupid thing in your pocket for 90 minutes!
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
