The internet is a global community made up of small and large social networks, these networks are based on everything from gaming to politics, business to health, socialising to social commentary. It has given a voice to the quiet, the shy, (some of whom are actually really mean trolls!) and it has opened up the world of dating and given it a whole new dimension.
Online dating gives you the chance to meet someone without ever having to actually meet in the flesh, you can seek out the perfect partner by simply altering your search parameters.
We’ve all been plagued by pop up ads and banners offering us the chance to meet the perfect partner online, there are dating sites that cater for everything from the ordinary to Russian brides, furries, vampires and more. With a few simple details some websites boast that they can match the perfect partner for you based on how you fill out their forms and highlight their success rates by the amount of people who met and married after using their website (we’ve all seen the commercials).
Has the internet made dating easier? Well there isn’t an easy answer to that, what the internet takes away is the fear/nerves behind meeting someone face to face and it can be easier to find someone you like but there is worry that the person you are chatting to isn’t actually who they claim to be – anyone can grab a picture from anywhere on the web and open a profile! There are pros and cons to using the internet to find love but there are definitely success stories out there!
Meet Tony and Darren, a couple who met using a community based Irish forums called QueerID, they talk about the perils of online dating and how they first met…
Where did you meet online?
T: We were both users of QueerID, an online gay discussion forum. I remember noticing Darren’s first posts: they were very funny and open. I even messaged him that day, to welcome him. I don’t usually do that. Then, a few days later he posted his picture and I commented on his guestbook… That’s starting to look like I was stalking him but I wasn’t (honest). We finally met properly – but briefly – at a Pride event in the George.
Did either of you have any preconceived notions of online dating?
T: I had Gaydar profiles on and off over the last few years and that wasn’t especially successful. One thing it taught me was that even when someone is 100% honest in their profile and even when their picture is recent, you’re still likely to create a persona in your head that is based only on how your read their messages. In the flesh, they can be really different. You can’t fake chemistry, so I always reckon that face-to-face is always the best way forward,
D: I did, yes. I’ve been a member of fan forums for a number of years and used them for a place to have a laugh with people, or find out what was new with a singer/actor/athlete etc, at the end of a working day, so I never looked at websites as having dating potential. I always found it strange when people said they were going on a date with someone they met online etc. I was of the opinion that if you couldn’t go to a bar or another social group setting and meet people that way, then there was something wrong with you. I guess I saw online dating as a seedy hook up thing.
It was only when a friend told me that the internet is a modern version of writing to pen pals, or building up relationships with people on the phone, that I opened up to the idea of even meeting people on a friendly base, whom I’ve chatted with through the internet. As it turned out, one of those people whom I had regular laughs with, and whom I met to attend a concert with, ended up being my first boyfriend.
Online dating sites target gay, lesbian, straight and even Christian markets!
When people ask how you met, do you explain it was through the internet or is there a back up story?
T: There isn’t a back-up story as such. Most people know that we began chatting online. But there was never any real prospect of a date on the basis of that limited interaction. Yes, it gave each of us a reasonable idea of what the other person might be like but it was the “real world” meetings that made the difference.
D:Yep, my friends, family, work colleagues etc all know I met Tony through a website but I don’t feel we would have began dating just on our minimal contact through QueerID. As Tony said, it was when we met properly (after our initial brief encounter a year before) and chatted for what felt like a whole night, that sparks started flying. We kept in touch via text for about a month after that, until we met again and I confessed to liking him that we arranged our first date.
Are there any advantages or disadvantages to dating online?
T: A well-composed profile allows prospective dates to see you at your best 24/7 – albeit very much in one dimension. Other than that, I think it can actually hinder things, sometimes. Mostly because dishonest answers and decades-old photos can present you with a fictional or self-deluded version of the person you’re reading about.
Do you still use the same forums where you met and if so how have other users reacted to your relationship?
T: The Gaydar profile is long gone. We’re both still active members of QID. But it’s not a dating site – it’s an “e-social” site covering a lot of discussion topics. Plus, some of our friends use it.
Finally if you were trapped in an Arcade for eternity, what one game would you play to pass the time?
T: Do they have Solitaire in arcades? I’m not a gamer so I’d probably overdose from the vending machines.
D: Tough one! I am more of a retro gamer, so probably Dungeons and Dragons, or Bubble Bobble
If you decide to venture into the world of online dating please remember to stay safe and if you plan on meeting someone you met online be sure to let someone know where you are going and who you are meeting!
