There are those of us out there who love nothing more than being scared to our wits end! Think about it! Why else would we clamber into rollercoaster carts, throw ourselves out of planes or dive with sharks. Fear keeps us alive and gets the adrenaline pumping faster than any other emotion we experience (I am not a scientist!).
Then there are those of us who prefer to not die from shock… this essay is for you! I know your pain!
It’s only a movie.
And I’m an adult now so I can tackle this head on!
Evil has a name and it’s your best friend!
What kind of freaks do you hang out with?! They’re getting off watching your squirm.
Nothing’s happening!
Oh it’s one of those horror movies! Grand!
Okay, I can handle this.
Seriously, it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be!
No! Just no!
What’s that sick feeling in your stomach? Oh yeah it’s absolute terror and it’s festering!
Shut up and leave me alone!
Salt in your wounds – this person is meant to be your best friend!
Your only reply…
You’re a wreck and you need an escape!
Okay time for an excuse to leave!
Tea will also settle your nerves! Unless of course it’s Satan’s tea in which case you’ve traded your soul!
All is okay now just don’t look at the screen!
It’s okay, if you don’t look at it, it can’t kill you!
No wait bad idea!
It wants you to be defenseless! This is all over you’re going to die watching TV…
The End!
F*ck that question mark! It’s all over! ‘The’ and ‘end’ are are your two favourite words from here on out! You won’t have to do this ever again, now for some sweet sleep!
Oh f*ck you!
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
