Gif Essay: 7 People You’ll Meet In Retail Hell
The economy eh? It’s a work in progress. Our national debt to Germany is so high that you would be forgiven for believing that it was tallied up in gil instead of euros. The current market slump of dairy products is going to see that the falling prices of milk will add another 1 billion euro to the ever-expanding sinkhole of money loss in our country.
Additionally, poor Brian McFadden had to take a gig presenting a crap rip-off Come Dine With Me-style show because he hadn’t a penny left to buy Shane Filan‘s ill-fated solo single. Jobs are not as plentiful as they were in the past two decades. That degree your mammy has in that picture frame is gathering an awful lot of dust lately. At the cost of patience and sanity, a job in retail beckons your name, or rather — your wallet.
The looming spectre of retail can be daunting to get into but here is a handy guide as to who you will be meeting along your journey into madness.
The First Work Friend
They seem pretty cool and polite. You have a similar sense of humour. This job might not be so bad after all with them around. Hang on though! Wait just a minute. Every time you turn around they seem to be there. Hovering. Always with that same smile. Making the same joke you heard from the last day. It becomes apparent to you that they like you more than you like them. You really are stuck with this person now.
After work get together, friend? Hey buddy, what are you doing Saturday? It dawns on you that they are a secret clinger. Maybe they don’t have friends outside work. You feel kinda sorry for them. Does it really have to be you, though??
The Impudent Customers
Did you know that when you work for a company as a retail clerk that you are responsible for everything that company does wrong? That upscaled price on the crisps? How bloody dare you, random employee! It’s shameful how you would personally go out of your way to raise the price of those crisps.
These are usually the same folk that you will find trying to rob those aforementioned crisps only to get incredibly insulted that you would even suggest such a thing. Secretly, you are thankful that there are security cameras when they are around.
THE ULTRA ACTIVE HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGER
A snide insincerity in their tone reminds you of the time that Regina George once paid a compliment to a girl.
Positivity is their mantra as they heard it spoken about in great length from a wise sherpa as they trekked up the Andes. You’ve probably never been there, though. At least, you wouldn’t get the chance to say that you have or not given their intensity.
‘Problems are mountains to be climbed’ and other unhelpful metaphors are the soundtrack of their life. Anything to make those troublesome work related incidents go away as quickly as possible. Do you drink regular tea instead of chai tea? That’s probably why you two are fighting. Do that. Namaste.
THE CRAFTY VETERAN
An expert at appearing like they are doing work. They should be at this stage. They have been here for 100 years by your estimation. They tell you all the dirty little secrets that the company has, which do not shock you one bit. This veteran would be likeable, if not for the hidden prejudice towards foreign nationals. They don’t trust them. They are too sneaky! This is said after returning to a kip in the custodial closet.
THE INSPIRATION FROM ABROAD
They’ve come to the country to live and work. Most of the day is spent admiring their ethic from afar and their ambivalence towards the idiots that they have to deal with on a daily basis. Other workers talk behind their back as they just aren’t happy that their jobs are being taken.
During all the talking, ten customers were just served. How did they even do that in five minutes? Additionally, they’ve learned a second language while over here. Jealousy seethes through the long time workers as the candidate for promotion becomes more obvious to everyone each passing day. Hard work is rewarded with success. Go figure.
THE DISINTERESTED CELEBRITY
Wow! No way. Is that Brian McFadden? What is he doing here? All the employees giggle amongst each other as he approaches the till. A sullen look is upon his face and a steely gaze that could kill. He sighs deeply before buying a snickers. All of your co-workers talk about it for the rest of the year, analysing the brief minutes this person was in their lives. They have all been blessed. They all feel like they are flying without wings.
THE AMAZING DISAPPEARING BOSS
The loudest person you’ve ever met in your life, who has boisterously moaned about your lack of drive, is never anywhere to be seen. The end of day dread sets in when their booming voice is heard as they make themselves known only as the store is closing. Your efforts for the day are quickly dismissed as they suddenly become very quiet when you bring up the word ‘wages’.
Ever meet any of this bunch? What type of people have you met in retail? Tell us down below!
