Oh boy did we pick a film to watch or did we pick a film to watch! Now we here at the Arcade are never ones to shy away from a challenge but even we felt the pressure as the minutes and seconds dragged by while our mind tried to stay focused on this film but don’t worry, we’ll watch it so you don’t have to!
Director: Scott Stewart
Starring: Paul Bettany, Maggie Q, Cam Gigandet
Cinematic Release: 13th May 2011
Budget: $60 million
Box Office: $78,309,131
With little left on the shelf over the weekend we picked up a copy of Priest, the title sounding vaguely familiar and the fact it was based on a Korean comic meant it had some semblance of being a half-decent piece of crap…. Right?
WRONG?!
From the start this film is nothing but clichéd scenes strewn together by flashy CGI, obvious 3D effect inserts and overacting to the point where we felt even we could do a better job but we are however getting ahead of ourselves!
What’s it about?
Since the dawn of time, man has been engaged in a losing battle with a terrifying enemy, the Vampire, blind blood thirsty monsters that seek only to feed and destroy. Despite countless efforts to wipe them out nothing seemed to work until the Church discovered people who possessed extraordinary power, enough to do battle and defeat the Vampires, these people were called Priests!
FAST FORWARD….
There’s a war and humanity and the Church drive out the Vampires pinning them up inside reservations and walling themselves off from the creatures in huge cities and disbanding the Priests!
However, one man is tormented by his past, only known as Priest; he is torn between his vows and family when his niece is captured by vampires. Now hunting down a new breed of vampire alongside his niece’s boyfriend, he also finds himself hunted by former friends as the Church sets out to bring back the excommunicated warrior. Throw in some awkward scenes about pining for a lost love and ignoring the one person who does love him, some fight scenes with CGI Vampire creatures and some Steampunk motif cities and you’ve got yourself the whole script for Priest…doesn’t that sound wonderful?
Who’s in it?
You might recognise a few faces here and there but the two biggest names you’ll see attached to this are Paul Bettany (voice of JARVIS, Silas from Da Vinci Code, Angel Michael in Legion) who plays the moody Priest and Stephen Moyer (Bill from True Blood) who plays a secondary character…and that’s about it!
Bettany was not the right choice for this role and that is pretty apparent right through the whole film but he isn’t the worst thing about the movie. That privilege goes to Cam Gigandet who plays Hicks, Sheriff and boyfriend to the missing niece, with about as much presence as a dead fish, his performance is nothing short of abysmal…in particular the scene where the BIG TWIST is revealed…watch out for his AMAZINGLY CRAP epiphany and he even lowers his head only to raise it triumphantly… (Deflated balloons have made more of an impact on us!)…
The film also features performances from Maggie Q (Nikita) oh and a very special mention to villain Karl Urban who proves that a vampire doesn’t have to sparkle to be a pathetic smear!
What should I watch instead?
Blade, Underworld, I Am Legend
Is it really that bad?
There are some good things about the movie, the backdrops and scenery are actually really well placed and the special effects aren’t that bad either but we’ve seen them all before and they’ve been choreographed an awful lot better. The only other good thing about this film is that while it’s painful to watch, the whole bloody thing feels so rushed that you’ll wonder what the hell is happening for most of it and suddenly find the end credits rolling!
Aside from terrible over acting and a script that has been hacked, butchered and quartered, the film tries to squeeze way too much into the 87minutes of screentime!
This could’ve been good but it just plain sucks!
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
