Forget staying Home Alone! Take a detour from 34th Street! These are movies that won’t give you nightmares before Christmas! Why? Because they’ve got absolutely nothing to do with the festival holiday but somehow one way or another we will always end up watching some combination of them if not every single one of them over the 12 days.
Before you rush out and start adding these vital movies to your Christmas shopping list, there is some very simple math that needs to be done first just to show how much time you could potentially waste/invest if you were to in fact watch every single one of these movies… you would spend 1,765 minutes of your life in movie bliss*. That’s nearly 29.5 hours of your life and definitely enough television to number to any form of festive cheer… anyway on to our amazing list!
Spongebob Squarepants – The Movie
A kids movie at its best! Spongebob Squarepants, The Movie was released in 2004 and was a smash hit in the box office receiving mostly positive reviews. It follows everyone’s favourite deep sea sponge as he embarks on a journey to become a man and earn the position of the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. However arch rival Plankton enacts his most diabolical plan yet and it is up to SpongeBob and his best friend Patrick to stop the evil restaurant owner, find the King’s crown and free the people of Bikini Bottom.
You will laugh, you will cry and you’ll marvel at David Hasselhoff’s swimming abilities once more.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
We’re not sure if this counts as cheating but this movie is shown nearly every year at Christmas and the only thing it has in common is the abundance of chocolate and gorging… on said chocolate. Charlie is an unfortunate boy living with his poor mother and his elderly grandparents, the family struggle to get by but one day the little boys dreams come through when he finds the very last Golden Ticket and he and his grandfather Joe are invited into the mysterious Wonka factory.
Finding Nemo
‘Just keep swimming… just keep swimming… swimming swimming’ – a mantra you can live your life by, one of Disney’s best movies in the last few years. Starring Ellen de Generes, Albert Brooks and William Dafoe as well as many others, it is the story of Marlin who loses his only son Nemo after he is captured by divers. So begins a journey that will see the clown fish and his new friend, the forgetful but enthusiastic Dory, traverse dangerous waters, attend a Sharks Anonymous meeting, cross paths with field of deadly jellyfish and an adventure that will bring a family back together again.
Now for the more… adult stuff…
South Park – Bigger Longer and Uncut
Cursing, violence, blood, vomit, death, Saddam Hussein, sodomy, Canada and four little boys – what else do you need to make a fantastic non-Christmas movie for Christmas! South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut is brought to us by the same minds behind the amazing television show, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Terence and Philip the movie has just been released and it unfortunately it has warped the minds of the boys into foul mouth little b*stards (weren’t they like that before?) needless to say the parents are on a warpath… straight for Canada and Saddam Hussein and Satan are busy hatching a plan to use the war to gain control of the earth that is if they can work through their relationship issues.
Amelie
We like a bit of culture here at the @rcade so we bring you one of our favourite French movies and it’s not just because it stars the beautiful and sexy Audrey Tatou either. Amelie is a quirky, smart and beautifully shot film about one eccentric young woman who decides to alter the lives of the people around her by making small changes to their daily routines. However Amelie loses herself in her mission and forgets about herself putting the needs of others before her own and it will take a helpful nudge from some of her new friends for her to wake up and take a chance for herself.
It’s not a romantic comedy, we swear!
The Colour Purple
Every Christmas movies that aren’t about Christmas compilation list needs a good movie that brings a tear to the eye. Our recommendation is Steven Spielberg’s ‘The Colour Purple’, two sisters who pushed each other to survive and carry on are torn apart when Celie is forced to marry Albert Johnson, her neighbour. It is a story of a young black woman struggling to find her place in a world torn apart by racism, sexism and hate but Celie will make her own place and with the help of strong and powerful women she will become her own person and find the one person she has missed all her life.
An all star cast with stellar performances from Whoopi Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey and Danny Glover.
Living Dead
Enough of the mushy stuff, here is what you’ve been waiting for Zombies. There are number of movies from this series that will guarantee you have a great Christmas but we pick our favourite two:
Night of the Living Dead – we like the remake version
Dawn of the Dead – and we prefer the original version
Die Hard: With a Vengeance
Yippee ki-ay motherf*ckers – mandatory phrase for all gamers and people involved in singlehandedly bringing down Germanic terrorists and their brothers.
The 3rd and our personal favourite in the Die Hard series, Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis) is forced to walk through Harlem wearing a racist sign, ordered to by ‘Simon’ a terrorist. Saved by electrician Zeus Carver (Samuel Jackson), the pair are then co-opted in to playing the terrorists games, with the threat of more bombs exploding in the city. Action, explosion and Jeremy Irons… what more could a man ask for!
Final Fantasy VII – Advent Children
It is the follow up to one of the greatest games ever made, stories ever told and role playing games ever written. Advent Children follows Cloud Strife once more as he and the rest of the planet come to terms with a new and deadly virus afflicted on the people, Geostigma. Cloud, now living with Tifa Lockhart must uncover the truth behind the disease and finally find the answers to the questions he has buried within him. With some fantastic battles, an amazing soundtrack and enough game references and in-jokes for fans, Advent Children does more than make fans proud.
Lord of the Rings
It doesn’t get more epic or legendary than a Lord of the Rings trilogy. A marathon of movies in their own right, it isn’t Christmas unless you watch at least one full length, director’s cut version of any of the movies. From the founding of the Fellowship of the Ring, the siege of Helm’s Deep and the final battle at the city of Minas Tirith, every single film has something for everyone to enjoy. So whether you’re a Frodo, Legolas, Gimli or Aragorn fan, there is no disputing that Peter Jacksons movies are a necessary watch for anyone at Christmas.
We want to know what you watch at Christmas? Help us compile an even bigger list or tell us what you think of ours – head on over to our FORUMS now!
*It’s only 1,765 minutes as we only picked two of the Living Dead movies and not the full series
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
