10 Politicians We’d Happily Support Instead Of Our Own
Politicians? Who needs them?! Well apparently something called the democratic process is quite reliant on people taking up the vocation. Generally it’s assumed the people who wish to take up these seats of power are characters of strong moral fibre, intelligence, compassion for all and with a powerful sense of justice and equality.
Clearly nobody bothers checking the CVs and backgrounds of the crowd we vote into the Irish government every now and again!
After weeks of debates, articles, memes and poster vandalism, I’ve got General Election fatigue like so many others. Oh I know who I’m voting for today, I’m not decreeing that we tear the establishment down and tar and feather the occupants (not yet anyway). I’m more disillusioned with the half-assed, half-hearted attempts by some of our politicians to cling to their pay cheques seats.
So I’d like to propose we scrap the names on the ballot papers flooding the country today and instead we as a nation afford these outspoken public servants a chance to represent us.
10. King Bradley – Full Metal Alchemist
King has a passion for running things efficiently! Okay his plans were aimed at causing chaos, confusion, panic and the downfall of man but at least he stuck to his promises! For the most part!
Government position: Minister for Defence
9. Mayor Quimby – The Simpsons
A vote for Joe Quimby isn’t just a normal vote! This guy is all about the charm, why you’ll never see Quimby without a lady on his arm, okay she might not be his wife but she looks happy!
Government position: Minister for Finance
8. Cornelius Fudge – Harry Potter
Every political party needs a party whip, someone to get everyone in line and behind the party message. No one can do a better job of getting people singing off the same hymn sheet than Fudge!
Even if it means stating the fact you’re obviously in the wrong, he’ll stick to his guns!
Government position: Party whip
7. Councilman Tarrlok – The Legend of Korra
Quimby might have charm but Tarrlok is charming. A social climber, he’s a man of the people! As long as the people do exactly as they say and don’t mention his brother!
Government position: Party spokesperson
6. President Nixon – Futurama
If your government doesn’t have a dead president’s head sitting atop a giant killer robot body, can it really call itself a government? President Richard Nixon doesn’t think so! I dare you say no to this guy!
Government position: Minister for Science and Technology
5. Andrew Ryan – BioShock
The public health system is a shambles! Thankfully siphoning funds from the budget to research new cures for everything seems to be paying off! Although this guy is the most likely to abandon the government ship and set up his own party/base! Don’t worry I’ve a feeling it will sink… pretty quickly!
Government position: Minister for Health
4. Ice King – Adventure Time
No one is going to care more about the environment than this guy! He’s going to be the one most affected by global warming and it’s a matter his constituents care about deeply! Penguins can vote right?
Government position: Minister for the Environment
3. Senator Robert Kelly – X-Men
Listen if you’re going to want someone to stand up and represent you as a human being, there’s no other choice! Robert Kelly is that man! With a passion for civil liberties, a drive to maintain peace and order, he’s steadfast in his beliefs of protecting his fellow-man! …so long as that man isn’t a mutant!
Government position: Minister for Justice & Equality
2. The Governor – The Walking Dead
When a government gets to power, it needs to ensure that the country falls into line! Austerity measures! Crippling budget cuts! Ignoring the weak, downtrodden, the struggling and the most vulnerable. You’re going to want someone who makes sure no one is out of line or talks back! The Governor is a guarantee that the people will fear respect their government!
Government position – Tanaiste
1. Mayor Wilkins III – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Politicians have been called blood suckers! Snakes! Monsters! Spineless cowards who renege on campaign promises faster than they prop up shoddy election posters! If we’re going to have one of these tools in power then I say why not let it be someone who actually is a monstrous bloodsucking demon hell-bent on bringing chaos down upon us – at least we’d know his plan from the start!
Vote for Mayor Wilkins!
Government position – Taoiseach
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
