The Official Guide To Posting Spoilers!
So you’ve just watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones, you were lucky to get to a midnight screening of the latest Marvel movie or you’ve put down the latest issue of The Walking Dead, now what do you do?
Well if you’re a normal decent person bearing minimal amounts of common sense you’ll sit there quietly internalising and processing all that just happened! You’ll be overcome with a rush of excitement or adrenalin maybe even fear or sadness! All very normal reactions!
At this point you might even want to reach out to someone who’s following the series like you are but you’ll of course check with them have they watched, read or even played the latest instalment first.
If they have, then you’ll both develop a sudden bout of word vomit and you’ll be unable to contain this until you’ve spewed every last feeling at each other! Then comes the wave of paranoia and fan theory, an intoxicating realm of endless possibility, stabs in the dark at just what the writers and creators have in store for
all their fans just you!
This can all be a serious rush and you might feel overcome by it all but being the good decent sane person you are you’ll refrain from posting on social media or fan sites about what just happened! However tempting it might be to explode about a death, a revival, a twist, a surprise ending or revelation, you’ll keep it to yourself until your friends, family and your online network have had their own chance to experience it because you’re not a f*cking monster!
At the end of the day you’ll realise posting spoilers online is a pretty sh*tty thing to do! You wouldn’t ruin a surprise party for your Nana’s 70th birthday! You wouldn’t post your best friend’s good news online before they did! You certainly wouldn’t open someone else’s Christmas presents and tell them before they had a chance to unwrap them their selves! Because you’re not a monster!
If you do get the urge to post a spoiler then there are a couple of things you can do:
- DON’T POST F*CKING SPOILERS ONLINE
- Go for a walk to clear your head and don’t post spoilers online
- Make a cup of tea and DON’T POST F*CKING SPOILERS ONLINE!
If that still hasn’t worked and you find yourself opening up photoshop, screen grabbing the biggest moment in the season finale and putting a hilarious (or shite because 99% of them are shite) caption on it then might this writer suggest you first unplug your computer and deliver yourself and it to the nearest police station and confess to crimes against geekdom!
Your experience and feelings when engaging with a book or comic, video game, tv show or movie are entirely subjective but it’s also shared, these media aren’t made solely for you and your enjoyment! Have some cop on would you and take two seconds to realise that fact!
Should you wish to post spoilers anyway then by all means disregard any trace of what humanity you might have had and resign yourself to outer fringes of geek culture. Just know that there is a special place in geek hell reserved for you, just between kill stealers and internet trolls!
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!