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Building Your Geek Fortress 101

Building Your Geek Fortress 101


So the weekend has come and gone and what have you to show for it? Were you forced to clean your room? Was your gaming space invaded by relatives? The television conquered by chores? Well, you are not the only one.

Thousands, nay, millions of us across the world suffer at the hands of weekend warlords! Bossy spouses! Eager parents! Friendly visitors! Well I have had enough! No more shall my me-time be spent on others! No more shall I welcome others into my life on Saturday or Sunday only to have them suck the life out of me! I have had enough! It’s time to take action! It’s time for a geek fortress!

You’ll need…

Construction Plans

If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail! Where are situating your fort? On the couch? In your room? What’s the light in the room like? Is there a natural cooling system for ventilation? These are things you need to consider!


Grab every available pillow in the house and start stacking! Don’t have a lot of pillows? Fold blankets in half! They make a decent foundation too!


If it’s not within reach, it’s not food! All supplies for the fort must be highly processed! This is to ensure the supplies won’t spoil too quickly and also because they’re delicious!


This is straight forward! Do not obscure the view of the television/computer screen!


Not actual people! People are not allowed in the fort once it’s constructed! That’s the law! Stave off going insane by co-opting furry animals for company, or if all else fails grab a plushie! If you must select a human companion, ensure they’re cool (cats will always be cooler!)

Terms Of War

From the get-go, have a clear, undeniable contract of war: No intruders! Ban interruptions! No something else beginning with ‘i’. Any attempt to destroy or disrupt fort time will be met with passive aggressive tantrums.

Go forth now and plan. The weekend shall be here soon! That fort won’t build itself!