No matter how much we try to run from it, age catches up to all of us. Some of us accept it gracefully, while others will inject everything from coconut oil to snail slime directly into our veins in order to stave it off. My method up until recently has been to ignore the ticking clock over my head in favor of “Fuck it, I’m in my 20’s, I’ll do the adult stuff later! Keep enjoying your youth!”
“I’m in my 20’s! I can spend all day gaming and then drink and not get a hangover and everything will be awesome!” I thought. However, that was until I started seeing stuff like this:
Yes, that is a boy holding a Nintendo Gameboy, saying he feels sorry for all us poor 90’s kids. The handheld console of my youth, the one that every cool kid on the playground had, is now a thing of the past. That line alone makes 90’s kids sound like aging, decrepit time travellers from yesteryear. And sure, we all laughed when Spidey made his little Star Wars reference in Civil War, but seriously, that is how young people refer to Return of The Jedi now… “That really old thing!”
Now I hear a lot of you older than me thinking “Big deal, try being my age! You know nothing of aging!” but think of it this way. You’ve had practice at being a qualified adult. The terrifying thing for me is that, now that I am as old as the Gameboy I played in my youth, I have to start acting like it. And I don’t know the first thing about being an adult.
So, in the spirit of being an adult, I’m going to deal with this situation like an adult. I’m going to face the facts, accept that kids these days will never understand the joys of the Gameboy and do the only thing I can do… Pretend I’m still 5 years old forever and tell being an adult to suck it until I’m 30, peace out!