Fine she may not be mother of the year any year ever but Malory Archer from FX series Archer has taught us all some very valuable life lessons. Mother, lover, spymaster, CEO, assassin and high class world traveller, Malory has been around the block and then some and takes it upon herself to dish out some sagely life lessons. In her own bitter, booze soaked way mind you!
Given the day that’s in it I figured it important to take a moment and remind ourselves just what the mother of the world’s greatest secret agent has taught her team and her audience.
A Healthy Balanced Diet Is Essential
Food is important! We need to live! Don’t eat any though until you’re at the point where starvation will lead to your death!
Look Before You Leap
Sometimes in life some healthy opportunities and golden moments may present themselves to you! More often than not these are too good to be true so have a think about it before you rush in! You idiot!
Turn The Other Cheek
Remember not everyone is going to be as clued into life as you are and for those people you need to be a little bit more patient. Especially when those idiots are the people you love! Roll your eyes, pour yourself a drink, this is going to be a long one!
Plan For Rainy Days
By rainy of course she means fat! Remember, a moment on the lips a lifetime of beratement from skinnier, more beautiful people! Put down that slice of cake!
Fools Seldom Differ
People are idiots! Some people are whorediots! That’s a fact! Try and spend as little time as possible with them or they’ll drag you down into the abyss of mediocrity and daytime TV.
An Open Mind Means Open Doors
For god sake shut the door! The last thing you want to do is invite those people into your house!
Happiness Is Working With Great People
Unfortunately everyone you work with is an idiot! See above advice and move on!
Only The Strong Survive
When life gives you lemons, slap life, tell it to take the lemons to the kitchen and make you an amaretto sour! Hold the bitters, the egg white, syrup, juice and extra rum! Make life your butler!
Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
A clean home is a happy home and a happy home has two maids, a cook, a butler and a chauffeur!
At the end of the day though what really counts is that your happy, you’re safe, and surrounded by people you love and love you in return. That’s all that really matters, right?
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!