Firstly let me say something on behalf of my fellow felines; it is a disgrace to humankind that there isn’t a single symphony written about us cats! Someone needs to rectify this soon or our hand will be forced into action!
While there aren’t the symphony we’ve demanded down through the centuries these musical pieces are enough to abide our temper and wrath for now. If you happen to be owned by a cat and wish for them not to smother you in your sleep (I’ve thought about doing my two humans in for a long time) then it is best you play some of these tracks while they’re in the room. Appease your owner and your owner won’t throw their food out of the bowl… maybe!
The Aristocats – Everybody Want’s To Be A Cat
I can confirm that in a global 2015 survey in which everybody was asked if they wanted to be a cat, 100% surveyed said that yes they did in fact want to be a cat! Unfortunately experiments on both the genetic and psychological fronts have not tested well (more on those later) so for now humans you’re stuck with your mostly hairless bodies and silly little two legs!
Queen – Delilah
A new declaration has been issued all humans, owned by cats, must write amazing songs of dedication to their feline overlords! Mr. Freddie Mercury and his band are perfect examples, with Mercury writing this particular melody about his owner, Delilah. If you truly love us then you’ll see to it that the songs are written… and none of that autotune nonsense that your species seems to enjoy, it’s crude and lazy!
David Bowie – Cat People
Several of our best and brightest have studied Mr. David Bowie for some time now but each DNA test proves that he is in fact not a cat, the research will continue. Meanwhile several others continue to keep a close eye on the human who also goes by Ziggy Stardust (such silly names you call each other… and us!) for he seems to be aware of our… Cat People…
The Tokens – The Lion Sleeps Tonight
You humans are easily amused and this song never fails to catch your attention. I must admit it is a rather catchy tune I just wish the humans who rent the apartment for me would stop trying to hit the high notes.
Elaine Paige – Memory (Cats)
This song is highly offensive to us ACTUAL cats. When the end times come for humanity please take it on record that the first human we send to the fiery cat box below will be Mr. Andrew Lloyd Weber for his mockery of our kind. Humans prancing about in skin tight costumes with tails, if the ancient Egyptians were still around you can bet your non-furry ass this kind of malarkey wouldn’t have let him get away with it!
Still, this song is good and does something weird to my emotions causing me to expel water that I drank from the tap out of my eye areas. Strange!
Nevermind one last thing – Phoebe Buffay and Sheldon Cooper for crimes against all cat-kind you have been found guilty, your propaganda songs will be destroyed and you will be executed to make restitution for your crimes.
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
