The hype surrounding the first season of Orange is the New Black was hard to ignore. The face of the show’s star, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling) was everywhere; she was plastered on the sides of buildings, she gazed out at commuters waiting for the bus and popped up uninvited during YouTube advertisements. If you hadn’t heard of this new, exciting TV show then you either weren’t in a city, you didn’t use the internet or you lived under a rock.
Even if you somehow did manage to go a few weeks without seeing something to do with the show, you certainly couldn’t ignore what people were saying. Word of mouth was a real game changer for a series that, without the buzz created by actual people genuinely wanting to watch it, may have been dead before it began. Hour long episodes about women living in a prison? As a stand-alone premise, it sounded like a bit of a snooze-fest.
Although I thought Orange is the New Black would be another cog in the endless cycle of trash television, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was hooked from the first episode and, to my delight, I found out that I could watch the whole season in one sitting. So I popped me some corn and set up shop for the night; thirteen glorious episodes later and I was addicted.
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!
Then came season two and once again I had my fix; it was even more enjoyable than the first so, naturally, I expected the third to exceed my expectations once again. With the first two seasons, I was happy to sacrifice much needed sleep and I embraced the inevitable panda eyes the next day because the exhaustion was worth it. Now that I’ve finished season three, however, I’m kind of annoyed that I wasted my time. During the first two seasons, I couldn’t watch the next episode fast enough. With season three, however, I had to force myself to keep watching while resisting the temptation to click out of it and watch something half decent.
I kept telling myself that the next episode was bound to be better, and so I stuck with it to the bitter end.
Although I didn’t think it was possible to hate Piper Chapman even more than I already did, she somehow became even more insufferable this season. Hate is a strong word, but she’s truly one of the worst characters in the history of television. She has absolutely no likeable qualities.
In the first half of the season, Piper and Alex (Laura Prepon) are an official item. Though, naturally, Piper has made bad decision #3753803 and has screwed Alex over, which is why she’s back in prison. Piper is a selfish asshole. What else is new? The whole thing is resolved rather hastily and they’re all lovey dovey again, but now that they’re actually together as an official item, it’s somehow really hard to care.
I remember when I saw their story in flashbacks in previous seasons and desperately wanted the two star crossed lovers to make it, to finally land in a situation where they’re free to love each other. Then when it happened, all it did was make Alex incredibly boring and Piper even more irritating (enter beautiful, tattooed distraction that I can’t remember the name of…). It’s a gradual process, but by the end of season three you realise that prison is exactly where Piper Chapman belongs. Cages are for animals and Piper really embraces the chaos that comes with hardcore self-destruction.
Alex Vause always seemed like an interesting character, perhaps even more so because we may have been subconsciously comparing her to the boring Piper, but her sparkle dulled this season. At times, it became hard to remember why we even liked her in the first place. Perhaps it was because she spent all her time with Piper and barely interacted with other inmates, or maybe it was to do with the predictable and unbearably contrived storyline she had with Lolly (Lori Petty), a slightly kooky inmate who Alex was convinced was trying to kill her.
I thought that the decision to demote Piper from the star of the show to supporting castmate like the rest of the actors was a good call. However, now that it actually happened I’ve come to see what a huge mistake that was. While watching, it was hard to pin point exactly what was wrong; I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t enjoying it and what had changed. Now I know. It had absolutely no focus; not only was there no main character, there was also no villain.
For a while, I thought Lolly was being set up to be the big baddie, but that fizzled out in a rather confusing non-conclusion (something, something CIA…), so then Danny (Mike Birbiglia) was a contender, but that also met a dead end. Sure, there was the vague threat of a big mean corporation coming down on all the inmates, but it just didn’t feel real enough as the only people it really affected were the guards, and since when have we ever cared about them?
Personally, I think the writers are moulding Piper into next season’s villain, Walter White style, as she really has changed beyond recognition from the silly, weak fool from season one. I can’t really see where else they’ll take her character as she’s pretty much the head of a criminal enterprise at this point, even if it does involve soiled panties.
Although I’m disappointed, there were a few highlights. It was very satisfying seeing Red (Kate Mulgrew) get her kitchen back, as that’s where she’s always been the best version of herself, although I’m going to choose to ignore what’s been going on with her and Healy (Michael Harney). There were also a couple of very entertaining cameos, with both Pornstache (Pablo Schreiber) and Rosa (Barbara Rosenblat), although you’ll probably be able to catch those as clips on YouTube in a few weeks. I liked Taystee’s (Danielle Brooks) character development as a more responsible, less flighty version of Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) as she took on the role of den mother of her group. Similarly, it was nice seeing Crazy Eyes (Uzo Aduba), or Suzanne, get a bit of love and attention by both her friends and a new love interest as well. And think no more on the mystery of the chicken, as Chang (Lori Tan Chinn) ended up playing a huge role in the legend entirely by accident. Who would’ve thought? 
There was also a lot of social commentary. The show covered lots of controversial topics like religion and its limitations and problems, cults, abortion, rape along with the idea of consent and vulnerability, and frank narrative about corporations stamping out all the good in people and places for the sake of profits.
It’s definitely a smarter Orange is the New Black but, unfortunately, that doesn’t make it a more entertaining show.
Despite the fact that more of the characters’ stories are crammed in this season, somehow it all seems like it’s leading to a payoff that never comes. My advice to anyone who loves this show is to completely skip this season and just wait for season four. Trust me, you’re not missing anything.
Did you watch Orange is the New Black season 3? What did you think? Let us know in the comments below!
