There’s a joke in here somewhere about Seymour “You mean you want to see less?” Guado.
I know you remember him. You would have had to kick his ass at four separate occasions to progress the story of Final Fantasy X, so it’d be difficult not to recall his irritating little voice, perpetually resting bitch face or seriously creeper level Yuna obsession.
If I was a betting woman I’d wager you could already tell I’m not Seymour Guado’s greatest fan. Does he even have any fans? Actually, no one answer that. Some things are best left unanswered. Seymour represents the best and the worst moments in my gaming life. Never were victories so sweet as they were while I trounced him but never despair quite like seeing him pop up randomly looking for a fight. Generally he liked to pick fights while I was running low on supplies and still confused because “Haven’t I killed you twice already?”. At points in the game I would enter an area and try and judge if the boss fight looming was going to be Seymour again. Jecht at the end was a relief. Seriously, fighting Seymour a fifth time would have been the end of my gaming life.
For those of you who genuinely aren’t familiar with this character I would urge you to pick up a copy of Final Fantasy X and play. The basic jist of him is rooted in some serious issues with his parents, his fixation with Yuna; one of the main characters and party members in the game, and the understanding that he wants to destroy the world and attain ultimate power. With the other Maesters he basically acts as a spiritual leader of Spira but is so incompetent at it you wonder why no one noticed before Yuna’s party decided it was time for him to die.
Seymour (Basic Twat Form)
The first time you face Seymour ‘Creeper’ Guado is after you emerge from the Chamber of the Fayth in Macalania Temple. He’s flanked by two guards and already pretty irritating. We establish at this point that he has committed patricide and is a lying, creepy douche who wants to marry Yuna with the lame excuse of “But think of the party?”, and when the fight begins I’m genuinely happy to get the opportunity to put him down. Unfortunately, when you kill off his guards and actually start taking chunks out of him he summons Anima. The very audible “Awww HELL no!” moment when Anima appeared to obliterate me for the first of many, many times was heard in the back garden two houses down. When he does finally die and get carried off, you usher a prayer to on high and laugh to yourself “Glad I only have to do that once”.
Seymour Natus (Mr. Purple)
You might not be aware, so I’m going to elaborate, but when I kill my bosses I genuinely want them to stay dead. Having them come back with a makeover and an attitude really doesn’t please me. So having Seymour version two, A.K.A Mr Purple, show up in the Via Purifico when I least expected it was both an unwelcome surprise and a terrible sign of things to come.
While not the most difficult of the Seymour fights; you can basically kill him by reapplying reflect at various intervals and hitting him with pointy things, the whole experience was punctuated with a sense of dread. I now know that that sense of foreboding was the knowledge that this guy would be back. Back with his little voice. Back with his insane hair. Back with a newer, weirder transformation.
Seymour Flux (The Gross One)
Mt Gagazet. This brings back memories. A part of me knew it was coming. Even though I’d told myself that the last time was it. After this battle I had a terrifying thought; that I’d never even get to defeat Sin. That this eejit would get there first and the final Boss battle would just be me and him. Again.
However much in my soul I knew I was going to fight him, I never in my wildest dreams fathomed how bizarre he would look. And he is mental looking. In case you’re wondering if that photo of random tendrils and limbs is Seymour, I assure you, it is. Buried in there he’s sitting on Mortiorchis bouncing stuff back your way with reflect. This was one of the hardest of the Seymour fights. Were it optional I would have just run the other direction but it wasn’t. I spent a good solid four days having my ass so thoroughly kicked that I figured I’d just give up. Spare myself the mental anguish. Unfortunately, I’m not a quitter and discovering the twerp was vulnerable to poison and using dispel to kick his reflect to the curb before it becomes a problem will give you a chance stab him till he pisses off.
Seymour Omnis (Wheel Of Misfortune Face)
Like the prop in some sort of crazy gameshow, Seymour came at me with his final form; the one I call Wheel of Misfortune Face. I was never ready. I think that was my default status in the game. I never had enough potions or items. Never prepared. Never a plan. But this time I had mentally hit the Seymour wall. This would be the end. If he came back again I was just going to put down the controller and never look back.
The final boss fight was a simple one about countering the elements. The wheels of misfortune behind Seymour are color coded to indicate which element he’s going to hurt you with next. Over all, it wasn’t a that tricky, and I think for the first time in Seymour slaying I did it on the initial try.
I don’t actually remember how difficult or easy it was defeating Jecht at the end. I remember awesome music. In my own mind, I’d already defeated the most hated character in the game. Saving Spira and defeating Sin was a bonus.