Home Latest Halloween Movie Challenge – Day 13 ‘C.H.U.D’

Halloween Movie Challenge – Day 13 ‘C.H.U.D’

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Flush a baby alligator down the sewer and watch as it grows into an urban legend. Flush radiation down the sewer and watch as these grow!

CHUD-1

C.H.U.D (1984)

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers lurk in the sewers of New York. A cop, a photojournalist, and a bum are the city’s only hope.

C.H.U.D  is remembered more for its acronym that for the film itself. And I can see why. The film amounts to nothing. It builds and builds, right up until its final, anticlimactic end. I was so disappointed with the ending I let out an irritated groan. There were too many characters in the mix, too many stories trying to be told and not a clear indication about who was the main protagonist. I honestly didn’t know who was supposed to be the hero.

We start off with George Cooper (John Heard) who likes to photograph homeless people. He’s just moved to a new place with his model girlfriend, Lauren (Kim Greist). They’re happy. They’re in love. They’re having a baby. And they have no relevancy to the plot other than George had photographed a few bums. Seriously, they don’t contribute to the situation whatsoever. They’re just a couple. I guess the script required two love interests. But they could have given them something worthwhile to do.

Then there’s Beavis and Butthead, Captain Bosch (Christopher Curry) of the NYPD and A.J (Daniel Stern) of the soup kitchen. These two unlikely partners know what is really going on and they plan on putting a stop to it. Bosch’s wife has disappeared and A.J’s customers are dwindling. Rumour has it there is something below ground. Upon investigating they discover startling evidence. Bosch confronts his superiors and they reveal the truth. Below the streets of New York there is radioactive waste and it has been mutating the homeless living down there. Who is to blame for this atrocity? A man named Wilson (George Martin) from the NRC (Nuclear Regulatory Commission).

chud9Wilson is your typical suit. In other words, he’s a complete dick. He shrugs off A.J’s threats to go to the media and goes as far as having a hired goon tail and intimidate him. As for Bosch, well he considers Bosch to be nothing but an annoying insect buzzing about his head. But Bosch ain’t going out without a fight and does everything in his power to stop him.

Bosch and A.J are excellent together and drive the plot of the story along. This is where the film fails to recognise its potential. While it wastes time on George and Lauren, we miss out on the Bosch and A.J Show. And that’s what I wanted to see more of. The relationship develops naturally and is never seemed forced. These are the heroes of the film but the script never gives them enough time to really emphasis that. We’re always expecting George to be the one who saves the day. But why? Well, that’s how the story sets it up. From the very beginning you are made to believe George is the one with the answers. But he’s just a photographer. He’s practically useless.

chudNow we come to the ending and Wilson wants to gas the C.H.U.D’s before the press gets wind of anything. But A.J is in the sewer and it is up to Bosch to rescue him. Wilson can’t afford even one of the mutated humans to escape and shoots Bosch. But A.J and George (they had to give him something to do) emerge from the manhole and A.J shoots Wilson. Things explode, there’s a corny line, and we fade to credits. Wait a minute, what about the C.H.U.D’s? Are they dead? Surely some got out, they had holes dug out all over the place? Ah, fudge it, whatever.

When you add too many ingredients into your radioactive pot you might end up with C.H.U.D, a sub-par horror flick with very little scares and cheap, rubbery outfits. Seriously, the budget must went on getting the two guys from Home Alone to star, and that one cameo by John Goodman. Do yourself a favour, avoid the sewers and avoid this movie. You’ll be sorely disappointed if you don’t.

Best Line: ” It doesn’t wash, Bosch.”

Best Moment: A.J tries to use a payphone to call the press but his quarter is snatched and eaten by a hired goon.

4/10

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