Okay, fine play the age card – it’s been a while since I was sitting in a classroom attentively listening to my teachers (and that’s no joke!). I loved learning, I just absolutely hated school, bullies, rubbish teachers or uninteresting coursework, there is plenty to not like about it. Couple that with the severe anxiety and panic I felt EVERY year from Senior Infants until I started college about that very first day back and I was an absolute mess this time of year.
It’s a damn daunting experience, you’ve to face the people who don’t like you, you’ve to tackle new and sometimes overwhelming new course material and in the distance are those looming exams – well you know what… it could be a hell of a lot worse! Especially if you attended any of the schools below… for these pupils it’s not just trigonometry you have to worry about but insane staff, ridiculous government legislature and magical wars?!
These are the five schools I’d prefer not to attend… ever…
#5 Hogwarts – Harry Potter
Controversial? Eh no!
Smart? Damn right!
Listen as much fun as it sounds wielding magic and the power of the entire Universe… there’s a psychopath with an army of racist zealots on your case, your best friends are constantly at death’s door oh and did I mention the disgusting textbooks?
Right Harry, you can keep your Hogwarts uniform, I looked better in navy and powder blue anyway!
#4 Hope’s Peak Academy – Danganronpa
Listen I was very good at studying, I enjoyed Geography, History and English, I’d like to think I was very good at them. I’m grateful now that I wasn’t so good as to draw the attention of Hope’s Peak Academy. One of the worst things about Secondary School (High School for non-Irish readers) is the constant judging – your peers do it, your teachers do it and you judge yourself every other second of the day. To be in a situation where being judged by my fellow classmates meant life or death… too much to handle … that and being trapped in a school ruled by a sociopathic stuffed animal and some seriously high haired weirdos/killers!
#3 Shiroiwa Jr. High – Battle Royale
Take ridiculous school policies from Battle Royale, add a dash of psychotic classmates from Danganronpa and you’re almost at Battle Royale and Shiroiwa Jr. High School. Fair enough the Battle Royale affected a different school each year, Class 3-B are the unlucky students picked this year to fight for their lives. Trapped on an island with limited supplies and a three day time limit to kill each other until only one is left standing, these students probably wished they pulled a sickie!
#2 Crunchem Hall – Matilda
Eh… ever heard of the Trunchbll? Or the Chokey? If either of those rings a bell and sends you into a cold sweat chances are you’re familiar with the work of Roald Dahl and more importantly you know best to behave yourself (and never wear pigtails!) at all times in school. Trunchbull, principal/dictator lead Crunchem Hall with brutality dishing out corporal punishment where ever she saw fit and should her cruel and unusual methods not do the trick, the truly bold kids were sent to the Chokey…
#1 Sunnydale High – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The demons try to kill you, the other pupils try to kill you, the teachers and staff try to kill you… hell at several points in the series the school collapsed and killed people! Attending Sunnydale High? You might as well draw a big X for a target on your back and get your will/affairs in order. Chances are… unless you’re in the Scooby Gang then you’re going to die and it’s not going to be quick!
So your own school might not seem that bad but it also might not seem any better – focus on what you love about it, your mates, those free class periods, the chance to learn something new or interesting or just the fact that you’re free at 4pm and have Saturdays and Sundays off! If all else fails… it’s only 270 days until Summer kicks off again and there are plenty of days off in between!
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!