5 Ways Geek Marathons can ruin your life
Bloodshot eyes, vacant and crusty expression, numb mind and the same clothes you had on you Friday afternoon after work/college (pants are optional) – it’s a state of being that might make someone question your ability to look after yourself but to anyone who recognises the complexion, posture and state of mind it brings comforting memories, waves of nostalgia and an unyielding urge to go and do the same thing – GEEK MARATHON! Whether you’ve spent your weekend face planted to Netflix, fingers wrapped around a video game controller or nose dived into the pages of a book/comic, the effects are always the same!
As fun and as awesome as these marathon sessions are they can have a negative impact on your life and we all need to be aware of them – for the record I am saying aware and not necessarily adhering to any of the following advice.
5. Over consumption – just one more!
Binge-geeking is good for the soul but you have to know when it’s time stop, even if it means getting up and walking to the shop and not just the shop down the road. One of the biggest problems about geek marathons is the complete loss of time, it’s a phenomenon entirely unexplainable by science* but that Friday Feeling can suddenly and abruptly turn into the Sunday Dreads.
Episodes of Buffy or Battlestar Galactica bleed into one another and you don’t even question why the Vampire Slayer is aboard the Pegasus fighting vampire Cylons!
Remedy: A little break in between episodes, chapters or save points can help refresh the body and the mind!
4. Invasion of geek cultural references!
That’s so fetch! Timey-wimey! Mathematical! Cake is a lie! Live long and prosper! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEE!
You don’t just quote your favourite lines you actually communicate in nothing but quotes and this problem can worsen and inflame when you encounter someone who has just had their own marathon! Entire conversations are had, feelings are expressed and shared all by mentioning that one line, for example:
“Imma keep swinging my baby lasso till I catch me a man” – Roger the Alien
I am tired of being single but I’m not giving up just yet, I will find a relationship
“I like whhhhhiiiiine” – Stan Smith impersonating Roger the Alien
I’ve noticed a terrible character flaw in you and I’m going to highlight it repeatedly
The above examples are from my former American Dad marathons!
Remedy: Think before your quote! Not everyone has the ability to speak Geek or at least speak it so fluently and expertly!
3. Spoilers – the worst kind of obstacle course!
Remedy: Avoid Tumblr! Actually just avoid the crap out of the internet!
2. Geek becomes you!
You haven’t just lost your ability to speak, tell time or socialise, you’ve all but gone and lost a grip on a reality. This ties all my other points together but it isn’t the worst stage of a geek marathon nor is it the last (because you know… it’s no. 2). Anyway this is the obsessive phase, everything you do has to revolve around the object of your obsession!
Need to eat? Well you know exactly how long the loading screen lasts and your mind has already calculated the time it will take to spread some nutella on a handful of rice cakes, thrown those calculations out the window and decided the best course of action is to just jab the rice cakes into the jar and try coat them – it will save time!
Need to pee? No you don’t because you don’t have a bladder, in fact you’ve never needed to pee in your entire life (< biological denial) – who needs to pee during a series cliffhanger? Not me! That’s who!
Remedy: This isn’t so much advice, I mean if you’ve gone this far, there is no real need to stop!
1. Real life looks drab!
Forget about it! Look life will never be as awesome as swashbuckling with gangrenous pirates, grappling with psychotic AI or even hanging with funky princesses in the Kingdom of Ooo. Sunday dreads are in full swing and are verging on the Monday blues and the harsh reality of daily dull normal life is beginning to sink in once more!
Real life is just that, it’s real! Those statues are not Weeping Angels, that police officer is not bionic and that tingling in your arm isn’t super powers developing, it’s feeling beginning to return to your fingers. A mad man in box isn’t going to swoop in and save you from your 9 to 5, Earth won’t be conquered/invaded/brought to it’s utter destruction and there is no such thing as Sharktopus!
You might attempt to kick off a midweek marathon but it won’t be the same! You’ll catch yourself laughing at funny clips you remembered or even mourning the loss of those characters who were lost along the way!
Remedy: It’s almost Friday!
*I am not a Scientist
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!