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Review: Snow White and the Huntsman

Review: Snow White and the Huntsman

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Director:
 Rupert Sanders
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth
Cinematic Release: 1st June 2012
Budget: $127 million
Box Office: $129 million (so far!)

It was one of the first stories I was ever told growing up, it was one of the first Disney movies we’d ever watched, the young girl chased out of her home by a cruel witch, jealous of her beauty. Refuge sought in the company of seven dwarves, miners who needed her just as much as she needed them. Finding hope and a new home it was all quickly snatched away from her by a poisoned apple only to be rescued by a handsome prince and vanquish the terrible vain queen.

I’d been keen to see Snow White and the Huntsman, teaser clips and posters had us completely enthralled, the stunning visuals were pale in comparison to the casting choice, Charlize Theron as the Queen, Ravenna, we had been sold! Before the film’s release a track by Florence and the Machine was leaked early and the deal had finally been set – this movie was going to be something we had to see and we even chose it over Ridley Scott’s ‘Prometheus’ that is just how convinced we were of it!

The story goes there was a good queen who wanted nothing more than a child and she was finally blessed with one and she named her Snow White but tragedy struck when the she was still a little girl and her mother passed away. Soon after an army rose against her father and a woman was found amongst the camp, a beautiful prisoner who captivated the mourning King so much so that the very next day he married her and Snow White had a stepmother.
Her life was about to change forever because the new Queen was not so innocent, on her wedding night she killed the King and led her army into the castle under the cover of darkness, killing all who would oppose her and imprisoning Snow White in a tower.
The Queen, obsessed with her beauty employed magic and the use of a mirror that spoke to her, the cost of which would drain the life from her, to counter  this she would in turn drain the life from young women in her kingdom and then she set her eyes on the heart of Snow White, the purest of them all, a heart that would keep her young…forever… but the girl escapes and soon the air  begins to twitch with news of war and the King’s daughter  rising up to vanquish evil and restore peace…

Sounds great? A lot of fans of the film (fans that aren’t 12yr old girls mind you!) are claiming that Snow White and the huntsman is a fantastic retelling of the old story, a fairy tale for modern audiences… pretty sure these people were watching a different movie! A retelling? No they’ve taken a classic story and tried to throw in some epic battles and thrown lots of money at it in the hopes something magical would happen… it didnt!

The vast majority of scenes feature Kristen Stewart looking sad, there’s Kristen looking sad in a tower, looking sad in a forest, looking sad on a horse and looking sad while fighting for her life. It’s very easy for us to pick the actress apart, (oh we use the term actress lightly here) she brings nothing to the role only her name which we’ve a sneaking suspicion was the only reason she was picked for the film – where she goes her legion will follow!
Disappointingly we have to admit she’s not the only cast member at fault here, Theron is guilty of some serious over acting to the point where I believe she actually be directing her aggression and catiness at the director and not her wretched servants. She’s not the worst of them, that honour belongs to the ridiculous troop of Dwarves who at times seemed more bored than we were!

The problem with the film is simple, it lacks any real story, no that isn’t exactly right! It tries to crash too many stories together in the hopes they will make one good one, Snow White is so miserable and her rallying speech so dispassionate that you will find yourself hoping her army is left in ruins and the young upstart’s heart becomes fine dining for Queen Ravenna!
The closing scenes of the movie are absolutely baffling and we were left wondering if the writers and director had run out of shots to shoot so leave the last scene on a pathetic zoom out of Stewart awkwardly clutching a branch and still looking sad despite vanquishing her evil step mother!

What’s the moral of the story here folks? It’s simple, you do not just throw a bunch of beautiful people into a movie and slaps some CGi in there and get a good result!

We’re bored too guys!

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