It’s no secret that Christmas television sucks more than regular television the only difference is that for the most part we all seem to spend the holidays in some sort of food induced coma unable to shift our engorged selves off the couch to find the remote! Even if we could our thumbs are too sore from mashing the new buttons on the new games we got so we just end up watching St. Augustus do something Saintly (That’s right the fat kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a saint…or something!).
Well damn it people that is not happening this year…over our dead turkey/quorn (some of us are vegetarians) stuffed geek bodies!
So to help you and us stay somewhat sane we’ve prepared some of the best Christmas television that isn’t really very Christmassy! That’s right you won’t find any Fools and Horses or Dr. Who Christmas specials in this list… so unbutton those pants, grab some Rennie and tune in!
5. Count Duckula – A Christmas Quacker
He was our childhood idol growing up and probably the reason we’re vegetarians and in love with vampires (and afraid of ducks!). Living with Nanny and Igor in Castle Duckula deep within the heart of Transylvania, the Count is in a very festive mood and is also somewhat hallucinogenic as he believes he and superhero Tremendous Terrance are on a quest to save Santa from an evil monster. Meanwhile the real Santa has become lost in the labyrinth that is the Castle’s chimney system and Von GooseWing has arrived to deliver a very special Christmas present to Duckie!
We couldn’t find the episode online but if you fancy watching it in Spanish…we have it below! Enjoy/Disfrutar!
4. Claymore
We’re not really sure what Claymore has to do with Christmas but it also seemed like a very Christmassy show…what with all the snow, the demons and the half demon female sword wielding warriors!
Claymore is set in a world where Akuma set upon innocent townspeople and villagers, devouring their guts, growing stronger and more brutal and only one thing stands in their way, a mysterious organisation that employs young women who are half-Akuma, half-human to hunt down and kill any and all Akuma. Clare is the lowest rank Claymore operating in the group but she is forced to push herself beyond her limits and continue fighting if only to seek her revenge.
3. Child’s Play
Tis the season to give… so why not give some you like/despise a Good Guy Doll! Everyone’s favourite serial killer doll is the perfect Christmas movie! We spent the vast majority of our time playing with the box our toys came in and if we were to get Chuckie as a present, pretty sure even he would have a tough time trying to conquer our cardboard box fort!
When Charles Lee Ray needs to make a quick escape from the cops, he manages to find the time to transfer his soul from his body into that of a children’s toy and when little Andy Barclay receives the doll as an early present, he ends up getting more than he bargained for!
What kinda sick twisted parent gives their child a satanic doll as a present you ask?
Why the same woman who plays the mother in 7th Heaven…that’s who!
2. Have yourself a Morlock Little X-mas
This is only here because you get to hear Cyclops butcher that old Christmas classic, ‘Deck the Halls’:
While on the topic X-men and X-mas (see what we did there…), we found the greatest picture ever online but we’ve no idea why Santa stole Wolverines cigar…anyone care to fill us in?
1. The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever
Perhaps…no there is no perhaps…this is definitely the greatest Christmas non Christmassy thing ever made in the history of Christmas! Cuter than that little girl in the Corn Flakes ad, more sick and twisted than The Human Centipede and just as festive and joyous as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas!
We are of course talking about the best episode of Invader Zim that was ever made – The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever! In an effort to finally destroy humanity and conquer the world, Zim undertakes his most diabolical and insane plan yet…enslave the masses by becoming Santa Claus!
You can watch the whole episode below now:
Editor-in-Chief, part-time super villain and hoarder of cats. If you can’t find me writing, I’m probably in the kitchen!
